There are many different reasons why someone would stay in an abusive relationship. Perhaps you are frightened to leave as you worry that the person abusing you will try and stop you, and become even more violent.

Emotional reasons for staying

  • belief that the abusive partner will change because of his remorse and promises to stop the abuse
  • fear of the abuser who threatens to kill the victim if abuse is reported to anyone
  • lack of emotional support
  • guilt over the failure of the relationship
  • attachment to the partner
  • fear of making major life changes
  • feeling responsible for the abuse
  • feeling helpless, hopeless and trapped
  • belief that they are the only one who can help the abuser with their problems

Situational reasons for staying

  • economic dependence on the abuser
  • fear of physical harm to self or children
  • fear of emotional damage to the children over the loss of a parent, even if that parent is abusive
  • fear of losing custody of the children because the abuser threatens to take the children if victim tries to leave
  • lack of job skills
  • social isolation and lack of support because abuser is often the victims only support system
  • lack of information regarding Domestic Abuse resources
  • belief that law enforcement will not take them seriously
  • lack of alternative housing
  • cultural or religious constraint

Never forget that it is a crime for someone you know to attack you in your own home or anywhere else, whether they are your partner, a family member or someone you share your home with. Whatever the person abusing you might say, violence like this is never your fault.

Nobody has the right to abuse you in this way. You may be made to feel responsible and guilty for the abuse, but the source of the problem is the abuser, not you.